My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
