You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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