just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
