There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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