Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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