Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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