what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
