The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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