so that wasnt chicken after all
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
