Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
