are you still at the devil's house?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
