The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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