Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
