my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
