okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
