You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
