Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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