His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You ruined the universe
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