All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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