I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The feeling are messing with the penis
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
