people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
