i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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