Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
