I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
