my phone needs a breathalizer
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
