Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Randomize
