Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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