so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and she was petting her beer can
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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