so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
