My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
