$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
