Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
