Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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