where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
