he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
