Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
