I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
