He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
