i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
