Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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