Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
