he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
