dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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