So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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