If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So apparently I’m into choking now
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
