hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
