Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
