whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
