Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
