the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
