I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
