Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
