Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
